hello all! I am in need of some advice...and some guidance. A friend of mine who I care deeply about and who cares for me as well has asked me to have a threesome with him and a girl that he knows. I have always wanted to add this to my experience of life list but I am a little nervous because I have never been with a girl before. He and I have had sex and that was great and I was comfortable with that, however a girl is being added to the mix.

I haven't met her. I am talking with her right now because I didnt want to introduce myself the day I touch her boobs. She and I have exchanged photos and since I dont critique pussy it was kinda hard to say whether I liked it or not. Hopefully that makes sense.

But all in all I have agreed. I'm not a million percent on this because I am very nervous. I want to do it right. I know I should think about how I want to treated during sex and I should think about what I would like done to me. I can do that but that doesn't help with the technique. I was nervous when I went down on a guy for the first time but it felt different to feel nervous doing that. With a girl, I'm not sure why it's complicated in my head.

I'm not attracted to women so thinking about being with one doesnt enter my head. Now that it is there I am just thinking about what to do with her.

I have watched lesbian porn and I'm taking notes it's just that I think what is stopping me from visualizing the three of us is that I am nervous. I feel like I am repeating myself but I'm not sure what I am nervous about exactly. It might be the whole being intimate with a girl...sharing a guy I care about...or just not knowing what to do while I'm waiting my turn.

I guess what I am asking for is maybe some stories about my situation...maybe something I can do to, I don't know, improve skills? Or better yet achieve skills? I would like to do this and I want to overcome my heart beating so fast.

Does anyone have any pointers or 'steps' I could use? I know I'm gonna need a very big drink to help calm me the moment I'm there.

Has casual sex ruined the chances of real relationships? People have gotten accustomed to ‘casual’, to carefree and ‘no strings attached’ sex that I think people are closing themselves off to commitment.

That pure unadulterated sexual encounter is liberating, almost. It is wild and often forbidden and it is quite alluring. It can be fun and it can be simple but all too often someone gets hurt. It is not clear and the ‘rules’ are not established and emotion can get the best of us, boy and girls.

Relationships should not have a time limit but isn't there a certain turning point? A point where it comes down to reality and figuring out whether or not the direction it is taking is one both partners want?

If there is a time limit, who gets to set it? Who gets to decide when it’s time to talk about the seriousness of the relationship? Who gets to make the decision that it’s now or never? When should the conversation be a serious one? If both people are getting what they want, essentially, should they just ‘enjoy the ride’ so to speak?

We live in a disposable world but should relationships be disposable if we don’t get what we desire? What makes a person so greedy? Is it greed? Or is it the confidence that we have to choose our partners?

I’m not talking marriage exactly. I am talking about companionship. When does it change and will it ever change to ‘something more’? Commitment is a huge step and some can do it free willingly and for others it take a little more time. That is no reason to condemn someone and it is no reason to call it quits but I think it is a true test of character, patience, and love to wait for an individual. That thought does creep into your mind that you are wasting time and you are never going to get what you want and he/she will never change. How much pressure can you put without causing the other to break away from you because it is too much and they aren’t ready?

Shouldn’t the other person be mindful? I mean, don’t treat the other person like crap just because you can’t or aren’t willing to make the move.

It’s funny how unclear reality can be. I mean, where is the logic behind having meaningless sex? But here is the catch, is it really meaningless when you are with the same person over and over and you thoroughly enjoy the time spent with them? Ladies, is it a delusion we have that we can ultimately change our partner’s behavior? Gentleman, it is all an act? Are you playing tricks or are you just as confused as the women?

Now, I am not saying that all men are at fault. There are some women out there that give guys a hard time, never giving answers and never committing. So the roles can be reversed and women can treat men with a level of disrespect that is completely unnecessary. This, however, causes everyone to look at everyone else and put a label. If a guy has been burned before then the next girl pays for her mistakes. This is true for women who have been screwed over by a guy. The next person in line fights the never ending battle of proving themselves. Not good.

They say opposites attract. I think that we are all gluttons for punishment. We give ourselves a hard time. Why do we fall for the ones we can’t have? Both men and women are guilty of this and it’s a never ending cycle. I don’t want to be one of those people that settle but could it be that that is what I am doing? Does self esteem play a major role or is it just lurking in the background waiting to kick you when you’re down?

I’d like to have answers but it seems there are just some questions that cannot be answered. It could be I am asking the wrong people or it could be that no one knows.

“Is it like what you thought it would be?”

“No. It’s not even close.”

“Nothing ever is. You might do yourself a favor and learn that lesson now. It’ll end up saving you a lot of grief down the road.”


Hello! I’m writing all of this today because I can’t say it out loud. Just know that I am not looking for pity. I posted this here because it admits the truth. When you go to confession, the priest does not absolve your sin. It is the confession that does it. So here is my confession…

I am the type of person that allows others to talk and talk and tell me their problems and I listen whole heartedly. I offer the best advice I can give on the spot and I continue to ask and clarify that I am there for them.

This is all great. I love being the person someone can talk to. It gives me a little confidence…knowing that I am important for them and I’m that kind of person for them.

I am a very big fan of quotes and Oscar Wilde for some reason hold something for me, or I hold it for him whatever…he said, “A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." I never thought that compassion, kindness or sincerity could be a dangerous thing. It runs the risk of being taken advantage of but it also runs the risk of you being forgotten.

It has crossed my mind from time to time that I tend to get forgotten about. People are so consumed by their problems, their concerns that they kind of forget that I could have problems too. I don’t like to bring my issues to people, mostly because I despise the pity or some kind of look. Also because I don’t want people to assume that I don’t care about what they are going through; that I just want to talk about me.

I know I’m not supposed to care what others think but let’s face it, I do. We can be big and say that what they think doesn’t matter; you don’t need them or their approval. Hey, if you can say this and actually practice what you preach then more power to you!

Never ending problems take their toll. I don’t want to be a part of the problem. I was to be the solution but I can’t help it at all. I come home and it’s the same thing over and over. I go to my room and think about the day and I think about what didn’t cross my mind while I was at work. I’m flooded with thoughts and I just want it to be easy. I want it to be okay.

Sometimes I look at it like no one can help me because they don’t really know. They aren’t really in my shoes and cannot give me the best advice so I’m left with a hug or “hang in there, it’s going to get better” response. Which is great, don’t get me wrong! It’s just that sometimes I need to be given reassurance.

I don’t want to seem selfish but I would like it if someone was just interested in what I’m feeling or what I am going through, you know? When people do ask me what is wrong or just what’s up, I tend not to say anything because I don’t know what to say. I mean, I start to think, “Are you ready to really hear what I am feeling?” or “Do you have time?!” I let things build and it may not be healthy but it’s what I do.

So here I am, resorting to my last option, writing. This is funny only because I learned from a very early age that writing things down can only get you in trouble. I used to keep a diary when I was like 10 or something and it got snooped and I got in trouble and from that day on I was extremely cautious of what I wrote.

But as I have gotten older I find that writing my feelings down might be the greatest release because I can take a sentence and place it in a different section of my paragraph. I can save it and come back to it later or I can sit for 20 minutes thinking of what to say or how to word it. If I am with someone I can’t really edit my conversation.

I can’t imagine what poverty stricken children must feel. Or what a homeless man must feel like setting up a cardboard box for a bed. Babies that have terminal diseases, what their families feel…I am in no way a comparison. I am in no position to complain but a problem is a problem, I think. Everything people face is a huge thing for them and so what I feel, what I know is huge for me.
I have a lot weighing on my shoulders and I am getting very tired; so tired that I am getting closer to the point where I’m starting not to care.

My doctor isn’t giving me the best treatment or so I think. I have been calling other places, just so I can talk to someone else, and I come up short every time.

There are things happening that make me worry. Tiny aches, something that is there that wasn’t there yesterday kind of stuff appear on me…I’m not dying physically but I am dying emotionally and mentally. This will in turn affect my body and I am not prepared for that outcome.

I don’t like surprises. I don’t like to be kept in the dark and wait for it. Spontaneity is not something that I do very often. I don’t like to complain to people, like I said because I don’t want people thinking that I’m crazy or that I am headed for the Looney bin! I try to keep a smile on my face and say that I am okay, and no I feel just fine but the truth is I am drowning. I can’t put into words what it is I am feeling. Sometimes I think that it holds no merit and that people go through things all the time, I am no different. I hate it when statistics show; let’s say 8 out of 10 people have this. Oh well its great when you’re the 9th person but if you are among the 8 well you’re just shit out of luck. It doesn’t feel better when people say so many people go through this. Yea well that’s them and this is me and I don’t want to go through it. I don’t know how to handle it.

When I was little I didn’t have to face reality, I was never exposed to troubles. Here I am now, with people that love me yet I feel so alone and it scares me.

They say, “I love you.” Thank you but it doesn’t take away the pain. It doesn’t take away the thoughts that run through my mind making me so dizzy all I want to do is sleep.

Put me on pills? Yea, maybe that will help. But I’ve done that and while I love flying high and feeling well, it’s all a mask. It is helpful and it does make me feel better but it’s so sad to know that withdrawals show what I am without it. It’s depressing; ironic, no?

My health and the way I feel is a problem but an added bonus is money. I’m not destitute but I see myself walking up to that. But I think that my mental issues overpower money. I don’t care for it. I don’t fight for it. If I’m broke, I’m broke. I worked and I did what I had to do the best I could and if the bills are more than what I have, what can you do?

Then there are the people that like to give you a hard time. People that have nothing better to do then make things complicated and uneasy. I don’t care when people don’t talk to me. It’s like silence is what I am used to so you’re not punishing me. What I hate is to be ignored or disregarded and to have conversation around me but excluding me; like I don’t exist. People don’t make me insecure really…just the feeling I get when I am ignored drives me up a wall and I am not a nice person when that happens.

I got a temper…I can’t lie about that. It gets triggered often and I want to give a clear answer as to why but I can’t. It just is what it is. I also see it as who are you to make me feel like shit? What gives you the right to make assumptions or add pressure on me for anything?

I feel like something is pressing against my chest. The weight is almost too much to bear sometimes. It’s like something that is forcing me to grow up in a world so inclined to hate. I have my happy moments, I laugh. I joke. But it only lasts so long. Then the silence comes and with it the thoughts.

I wonder how much more will be piled on me. I wonder how much more I will have to face. I am not trying to avoid responsibility. I am not trying to stop ‘growing up’. I just want to be concerned of silly things like dates or if my hair matches my eyebrows! I want to worry about what clothes I have or about my shelves falling down because of all my shoes. I don’t want to worry about what is going on inside that I cannot control.

Each day I face a new thing. This morning I got up with such a horrible pain in my neck that I could only turn if my whole body turned too. It was bad over the week but it got increasingly worse as the days went by. I thought it was the way I slept so each night I changed positions, used more pillows, used less pillows but nothing. It got worse today and only with natural movement is it starting to loosen up. That might not be related to anything than just my mattress but the point is that I can’t even get my mattress to work with me!

If I want to nitpick then I can go as far as saying that while I am driving, I put my bag on the passenger’s seat. When I make a turn would it be so horrible if the bag didn’t fly off the seat causing everything to fall out of it? I even closed the damn bag but since it still has an opening the stuff manages to fall out!

I just don’t know what else I am to do with myself. I guess maybe if I had more of a life and did more things in the day I would be better off but as it stands work is all I do. I don’t go places…it’s rare that I do. And you know what? It’s not always because I have no one to go with it’s because I am so tired. My body just wants to give out sometimes and I just can’t even move. There are times when I drive on auto pilot because my mind is in my bed already.

It’s a wonder that I get out of bed you know? I used to say I feared nothing but today I fear that I won’t care anymore. At night I cry. I usually fall asleep with tears staining my pillow. There are times when I am so tired that crying actually makes me feel like I took a long hot bath. They say crying cleans the soul. My soul is spotless…

When people say it is better to feel nothing than to feel pain, I wouldn’t have agreed with them. Knowing what I know now, feeling what I’ve felt, I’d rather feel nothing. I love it when I get with my family and we all talk about mundane things. When we get together and have a day. It makes me feel alive. I want that every day but we can’t all get what we want.

I will get out of this funk soon. I know that I will be laughing and playing soon but I’ll fall back into this and it will start all over again. A question came up recently,” If I couldn’t change a thing, would I live my life over again knowing exactly what I would face?” My answer was no. Yes, I had wonderful moments with my family and friends. Great things happened for me like parties and gymnastics, and gatherings; great and perfect things. But then it all changed. These last few years have been tortuous some days. The thought of what is going on just wracking my brain, taking years off my life, off my fathers and mothers life. It changed everything and I just want to be normal again. I just want to forget my problems and forget that there are things that I need to face.

I fear the unknown and I wake up to it every day. Nothing is as clear as I thought it would be. They say as you get older you understand but I’m at a loss. I don’t get it. I missed the punch line for sure…

Okay so now I’m done. It’s long but it’s not finished. It doesn’t define me; it just explains the tiniest of tiniest parts about me…

Thanks to those who read it.

hey everyone...i want to give a friend of mine the best answer to these questions so it would be great if someone can help me answer them!! :o)

1- what is a crack fic?
2- what is Nano fic?
3- AU is Alternative Universe, right? What about AR? What is it?

i have an idea of how to describe it to her but id rather not ramble on...

thanks so much!

Hey everyone...i was wondering if I could get some help...

I am looking for a song called Where? by Nickleback.

It is the only song I am missing from them and I would like to know if someone can maybe give me a link to download it or email it to me or something? (italianangel8390@aol.com)

I really appreciate it your help!!!

thank you!

EDIT: Thanks to thinking and some responses I have added to this post.

Fear is something that we all have. It may not be evident in our daily lives and we may not even be able to recall it when someone asks, "what is your deepest fear?"

Fear, like people, comes in all different kinds. It can be simple or it can be damaging. There are some that are so obvious that it can seem as though that isn't the case.

I realized something yesterday, fear of commitment is something that many have yet do not confront. This fear can leak into other people's lives and hurt them.

Sometimes I think there is nothing wrong with this fear except that it is called a fear. It is a form of protection, in a way. It can shield us from outsiders. But is that so wrong? Isn't it natural to want to keep yourself safe? Risk, called upon by you is one thing but do you have to take on the unexpected willingly? Can't you want to keep pain from coming to you?

I know people can go on to say that without pain we don't know happiness and without hate we don't know love. I don't think that is the case for every person. It is possible to understand something without having gone through the motions.

Can people live their lives without the bullshit of love and relationships?
Is it possible for people to live their lives in non-defined, non-conventional relationships? Can we move on in our lives not believing in love? Or did we just not find the right one to love?

Is it possible to go out about your business having flings and one night stands? Can people really function on that existence alone? Can people believe in fucking. Getting in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit?

Is there such thing as no love? Or can we love someone but still want the perks of promiscuous sex? Anonymous sex? Can it be that our existence, our persona be synonymous with sex?

I wonder if life can just consist of that. Living and breathing pleasure. Sometimes I think you can. I think you can be in love with one person but still want what others bring you. Does that mean that the person you are with is not enough? Yea, that can be one interpretation but can it mean something else?

There are many things that come with sex. That initial risk, that animalistic drive of passion, the pure satisfaction. Can men and women really separate themselves from sex? Can it be a level of emotion that doesn't change your feelings?

I'd like to know what people think about sex. I want to know how it has changed your life. I want to know if it is possible to live your life commitment free, without guilt?

Is there really one person out there for you? Is your other half somewhere out there, waiting to be found? Does life really work out with that fairy tale notion?

We do so much to ourselves to resist temptation. Why do we have to fight against ourselves so much if monogamy is the way to be?

I am not trying to knock those who are in love. I think it is great that you are able to go through this hectic life with someone who understands you.

Are people lying to themselves? Telling themselves that they need to be attached to someone to make them happy? Is it a security blanket in someway? Are you fearful of loneliness?

Is it possible that the only way for you to sustain a relationship you need that release from an outsider?

If all parties involved understand the circumstances and all agree, where is the harm in having some fun outside of the relationship?

Does this all boil down to age? Can it be that as a young person, all you want to do is experience the world around you and you aren't ready for settling down? Could it be that you just want to absorb all that you can from every aspect? It doesn't only have to be with sex, but having someone else to be mindful of can put a damper on your ideas of freedom. Unless of course you find someone who is as nonchalant as you are!

I know that love is different for everyone and some people may think that it is the best thing in the world. But can it be that people, like me, are just a little cynical? Can it be that not all people define sex with love? What is love really? My definition of love is an unexplained intensity that you feel for another human being, but I think sex is an exhilarating high that so many crave. Like, I said...it's different for everyone.

All I want to know is it possible to have the best of both worlds?

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Cohorts in Crime- http://www.angelfire.com/folk/defensivewalls/cohortsincrime.html

Cathy’s Fan Fic- http://www.geocities.com/cathy4537/index.html

Draccone- http://draccone.livejournal.com/

Ethan- http://www.xhaleslowly.com/qaf/index.html

Frozen In Time- http://www.geocities.com/placetohappen/frozen.html

Hannakelli- http://www.geocities.com/hannahkelli/Fanfic.html

Here and Now- http://www.geocities.com/qafhereandnow/index.html

Just Visiting- http://www.geocities.com/qafhereandnow/index.html

Meredeth- http://mericat92.com/meredeth.html

Mercury Rising- http://queerasfolk.wired-hub.net/erin/mercuryrising.html

Mimi- http://www.westleyo.com/QAFfic.html

Danny- http://www.dannysobsession.com/index.html

Thyme- http://www.mags-nificent.com/MSW/Thyme.htm

Vamphile- http://www.valerielewis.net/bj/fic.html

Miss Miko- http://heelsoverhead.net/index.html

Morpheus- http://www.morpheusqaf.com/

Okay!! Well many thanks to netlagd, trishwish, court1429, and donci111. U guys really helped me out with a lot of this stuff!! you have saved me time and energy as well and that is GREATLY appreciated!! If some of you dont know this is just a list of all the fics i think are amazing!! if there are any that arent listed here and u think are great and amazing as well please please let me know!! my only request is that it's not a death fic (as u can see there i dont think there is more than two listed below), drastically out of character fics (not a fan of brian saying "baby" just doesnt fit lol) umm and no WIPs...i always forget to go back regardless of how great the story is...okay on with the list!

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hi there...im trying to figure out photoshop and make wallpapers and such...icons i got down but im not sure how to do picture and picture or all the swirls and such...if anyone can give me a step by step tutorial that would be great...i ask for it to be detailed only bc i dont usually follow directions well...personally im more visual...thank u in advance!!